Title: Finding my way back home (1/1) Author: Tanja E-mail address: voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl/ http://www.angelfire.com/oh/xfshippers/index.html Rating: PG Category: S,R Keywords: Mulder/Scully Romance, Christmas Summary: 6 years after the X-files have been closed, the Scully family is celebrating Christmas again, with a few surprises for a few people. Archiving: Please archive at EMXC, Gossamer and ATXC. Anywhere else be my guest, but please let me know first, I'd like to know where my stories are going. Disclaimer: Mulder, Scully, the Scully family and Skinner aren't mine. They belong to CC, 1013 and Fox Network. Author's note: O.k. I know it's April, and I know it's not Christmas but I'm writing a story about it anyway. Hope you like it. Feedback always welcome, flames will be ignored. Traci, as always thanks again for your never ending support and editing. I wouldn't know what to do without you :-D Finding my way back home (1/1) "Mom" "Yes?" Maggie Scully looked at her youngest son, who was sitting on her kitchen table, while she was cooking dinner. He didn't come by very often. His job as a pilot kept him away a lot. "Is the whole family coming for Christmas?" "Yes, Bill and Tara are coming with the kids and Dana will come with the whole family of course. Why?" "Full house again", he grinned. When the whole family was complete there were a lot of people and a lot of children, it usually was when the family came together. Twelve in total. Bill and Tara with their three children, 7 yr. old Matthew, Nicky, who was 5, and 3 yr. old Traci. His sister, Dana, would also be there with her husband and their 3 children. 6 youngsters all together. "Yes, the house will be full again, but it's always the best time of the year. "Are you bringing somebody?" He blushed, but shook his head. "No, I've been seeing somebody for a while. Her name is Casey. But she'll be spending Christmas with her father, because she doesn't want him to spend it alone." "Did you meet him already?" "No, didn't have the chance yet." "So why don't you invite them both to come over?" "Really?" He sounded relieved. "Of course. The more people, the better." "Thanks mom, you're the greatest!" He jumped from the table, gave her a kiss on the cheek and wanted to walk away. "Charlie where are you going, we're going to have dinner in 1/2 an hour." "Calling Casey to invite her, can I?" His mother grinned. Even though her son was 32 years old, sometimes he didn't act like it. "Sure, go ahead." He returned 30 minutes later, a big grin on his face. "Judging by your face she said yes." "She said she'd love to come." "And her father?" "She was going to ask him, but she didn't think he would mind." "Okay, now that that's settled, let's have dinner." 2 WEEKS LATER Charlie was waiting for the plane to land. His sister lived in England with her husband and children. They didn't get to see their family too often, but Charlie, due to his job, was able to see them more. He would even stay with them whenever he was in England. He looked at his watch and saw that the plane should have landed by now. Walking to the gate, he looked around to see if he could find them. Suddenly he saw two little redheaded girls waving enthusiastically, their mother had to stop them from bumping into everyone in their enthusiasm. His brother-in-law walking straight behind them, with a sleeping Melinda in his arms. 15 minutes later they had their luggage. Jessie and Sam stormed to him, yelling "Uncle Charlie, uncle Charlie!!" He grinned and knelt down to catch them in a hug. "Hey you two." Then he stood up to hug his sister and to greet her husband. Melinda was still sleeping and didn't wake up until they arrived at the car. "Okay Jessie, Sam, Melinda you go sit on the backseat with daddy and I'll go sit next to uncle Charlie." Charlie smiled. He admired the way his sister kept a tight grip on her family, without yelling or raising her voice. She just did everything in her own calm way. It was good to see her so happy. Years ago when she and Fox had only been partners he had worried sometimes what was going to happen with them. But everything had turned out very well. After years of struggling and searching for the truth, they had found their most important truth of all: their love. 6 YEARS EARLIER HEATHROW, LONDON ENGLAND Dana Scully stared out of the little window when the plane landed. Thinking back to the last time she had seen Mulder. They had a big fight, because she had found out that Mulder had asked Skinner for her transfer behind her back. She still didn't know why he did it, but she had been so mad, that she had quit the FBI and moved far away from Washington and everything else that had to do with Fox Mulder. What she didn't know at first, was that after all that had happened, he had decided to quit the FBI to and move to England, because he didn't think it was worth it anymore without her. He had accepted a position to teach at Oxford. Scully learned about that only months later, because her mother had decided she needed to know. She had been having a hard time to forget everything that had happened. Ever since she moved away from Washington she missed him like crazy. And after 6 months she had decided to give up the fight against her feelings. For 6 months she had tried to forget everything about Fox Mulder. But it didn't work, she worked 24 hours a day, but he was in her thoughts every minute of these 24 hours, when she went to bed, when she was sleeping and when she woke up. One day she had made her decision. She had to see him again, had to talk to him. At work she had told that she was going on a holiday for 3 weeks. The only person who really knew where she was going was her mother. She had called her mother to tell her about her decision and all her mother had said was "I knew you would realize sooner or later." So she had booked a flight to England. After picking up her luggage, she walked further, looking for any sign that would say where the train station was. After searching for 15 minutes she found it. She bought a ticket to Oxford, where Mulder lived now. She didn't have to wait long for the train to leave and a few hours later she stood in Oxford; no idea where she had to go, since she didn't have Mulder's address. She decided to take a taxi to the university, maybe they could help her there. When she got there she found the campus much bigger than she had expected. But she was lucky, she heard a student talking about his psychology teacher. "Excuse me?" "Yes?" "Can I ask you a question?" "Sure you can, how can I help you?" "I couldn't help hearing you say that you are following a course in psychology." He laughed. "Unfortunately, yes I am." "Why unfortunately?" "Because if I had known what the professor was going to be like, I would have thought twice about following that course!" "Is he that bad?" "That's a nice way to say it. He's really a very good professor, but always grumpy, and you've got to be very careful with what you say. Because whatever you say it's never right." She thought that she'd have to go look further, because the professor that the student was describing couldn't be Mulder. Mulder was a little weird, but usually in a very good mood and always willing to listen to other people. "Thanks, but I think that's not the person I'm looking for." "Who are you looking for if I may ask?" "Fox Mulder" "Well then you've found him. He's the professor I'm talking about. But if I were you, I'd choose another course to follow." After that he walked away. She didn't understand. Mulder had never been like that. She had to find out what was going on. 15 minutes later she stood in front of Mulder's lecture- room. She waited until the students would come out. They did 5 minutes later. Hesitating she waited another 5 minutes and then she walked in. What she saw scared here like hell. Mulder was sitting behind his desk, eyes closed, and his face, he looked so old, so lost and so alone. She had never seen him like this. She walked to his desk until she stood before him. He didn't even hear her walking to him. "Mulder" "Great now I'm even imagining I hear her voice." He mumbled to himself. He was glad that it was time for summer break, because he was really losing it, he thought. "Mulder" She said it again, this time a little bit louder. He opened his eyes. When he saw her his face showed a look of disbelief and shock. "Scully?" "Yes?" "Is that really you?" "No, it's Santa Claus." She joked, but he didn't think it was funny. He quickly came from behind his desk and before she knew it she was in his embrace. He pulled her so close that she squirmed. "Mulder?" "I'm sorry, Scully I didn't mean to hurt you." "That's alright, are you okay?" "Yeah I'm alright. God it's good to see you again, do you have any idea how much I missed you?" He mumbled against her hair. Before she could answer he asked her another question "How long are you staying?" "Well, I have 3 weeks... if you want me around that long." "Always, come on let's get out of here, we have a lot to talk about." He gave her a huge smile, grabbed her hand and pulled her with him. Hand-in-hand they walked over the campus, laughing and talking - neither mentioning the fight. Students looked at them with surprise. Was this really Fox Mulder, the grumpy man that would never laugh? Who was this woman and what had she done to make him laugh? Mulder took her with him to his apartment. She smiled when she saw it. It was almost an exact replica of his old apartment in Washington. And the way she could see it he still slept on his couch. They sat down and just looked at each other for a long time. Mulder broke the silence "So how is your new job?" "It is okay, the people are nice, but it's not the same without..." She paused, not knowing if she should continue. "Without what?" "Without you." She finished, holding her breath, afraid of his answer. He wasn't going to laugh at her was he? But he didn't laugh at her, instead he pulled her in his arms. "I know what you mean, it hasn't been easy for me either without you around. I'm so sorry that I went to Skinner behind your back to ask him to transfer you, but when you were almost shot I was so scared to lose you, I felt like I had no choice. But it was the wrong choice, I lost you anyway. I couldn't live with that idea, so I took this job and moved to England." He smiled sadly. Her heart ached for him. "You didn't lose me, you still have me. Yes I was angry when I found out, but later I understood why you did it. But I was too stubborn to talk to you, too afraid that you would be mad at me and wouldn't want to see me. Until mom told me you moved to England. Then I knew I had to talk to you." "So what are we going to do now?" "I don't know, have some fun, after all I'm on a holiday remember?" She smiled at him. She had something in mind but was still afraid of the rejection. It just wasn't possible. When they worked together and were so close it wasn't allowed, and now that they didn't work together their worlds were too far apart. So no matter how bad they both wanted it, they didn't do anything. For 3 weeks it was just like old times again. He showed her all the places in Oxford, they even went to London for a day and for the rest they just enjoyed each other's company, but both were avoiding THE subject; until the morning came that he had to bring her back to the airport. She had to go back home, back to her job, back to her life there. During the drive to the airport they didn't say much, both lost in their own thoughts. Why couldn't they just say they loved each other, why did it have to be so difficult? Mulder brought her to her gate and hugged her to say goodbye. "I'll come to visit you soon." He promised, kissing her on her forehead. "I know." She nodded, tears in her eyes. Before it would become more difficult he let go of her. "Bye Mulder" she turned around and walked away, tears streaming along her face, not looking back anymore, she didn't want him to see her cry. He saw her walking away, he thought cynically. Six months life had been hell without her, 3 weeks she had been there and it had been great, and now she was gone and life would be hell again. He turned around to walk away himself. But suddenly he heard her voice behind him. "Mulder" He turned around, there she stood tears still streaming down her face, but laughing through it. "Scully, what are you doing, your plane is leaving in a few minutes." "I can't leave again Mulder, I want to stay." He didn't dare to hope that... "What do you mean Scully?" "I can't leave you again Mulder, I want to stay with you." "But what about your job?" "I'll quit." "And your family and friends?" "I don't care, they'll survive without me just fine, but I think I won't if I'm not with you." "Are you really sure?" "Yes, I've never been more sure about anything else in my life. I love you and if that means that I have to quit my job to be with you, then that's what I'll do, as long as you're there I don't care where I have to live." "I love you Scully." He informed her with a big smile before he leaned down to kiss her. They had found their way back home. "Passengers for flight 101, please go on board, we're leaving within a few minutes." Mulder stopped kissing her. "Scully." "Mmm?" "Your flight is leaving, you have to go." "I don't want to go." "You have to, but I'll come after you. I promise, I'll try to take a flight as soon as possible." "Promise?" "Promise. Don't worry, I'll be there before you'll start to miss me." "Okay." she kissed him one last time, then, looking over her shoulder one last time, she ran to the boarding gate, before the plane would leave without her. He stood there for another 10 minutes, until the plane had really left. Then he ran to the help desk to pick up a ticket for the next flight to San Francisco. He was lucky, a plane was going to San Francisco the same night and there were still a couple of seats. After that he quickly went home to pack. SAN FRANCISCO SAME DAY 8 o'clock in the evening Scully's apartment Scully arrived home after a long flight, tired but very happy. She would have to arrange a lot of things in the next weeks, before she could move to England. She hoped that Mulder would be with her again in a few days. But first she needed some sleep. NEXT MORNING She awoke to someone knocking on her door. Getting up, she realized it couldn't be Mulder yet, so who could it be? To her surprise it was Charlie. "Charlie hi, what are you doing here?" She hugged him. "I'm in San Francisco for a day, my next flight will leave tonight, so I thought I'd visit my little sister." He said teasingly. Even though he was 5 years younger than her he always called her his little sister. "Come in, it's good to see you again." "So how have you been? I tried to call you earlier this week, but you weren't home." "Oh I was away on a holiday, didn't mom tell you?" "I haven't talked to mom lately, so no I didn't know, where did you go?" He looked at her, when he had seen her a couple of months ago she had looked so unhappy, so lost and alone. As if somebody had taken a part from her heart, when that somebody had left. He hadn't asked her what was wrong, but his mother had told him about the fight she had had with her partner. The holiday had obviously been good for her, it looked like she was learning to be happy again. "I was in.." Before she could say where she had been somebody knocked on her door. She looked at Charlie. she thought. She walked to the door to open it. In front of her stood Mulder, a big smile on his face. Her mouth fell open when she saw him, then fell in his arms while he swept her of her feet, forgetting that her brother was sitting in her living room. He kissed her as if he hadn't seen her in months. "I missed you." "Me too, but how ..., I thought ..., I don't understand .." She had expected him to be there soon, but not 12 hours later. He grinned. "Now that's something I thought I'd never see, Dana Scully speechless." She slapped him playfully and kissed him again. "Funny G-man, come in I'd like to introduce you to my brother." "Bill's here?" He had met Bill Scully a couple of times and didn't have many pleasant memories about that. "No Charlie is here, you've never met him before." She grabbed his hand, pulling him with her. Her brother was looking curiously at them, he had followed the whole scene and wondered who this was. His sister wasn't the type of person to fall into somebody's arms, unless she knew that person very well. So he was really curious who this was. "Mulder this is my little brother Charlie, Charlie this is Fox Mulder, we used to work together in the FBI and he uhm, we uhm are ..." She blushed, but she didn't have to finish, Charlie already understood after the welcome she had given Mulder. "Don't worry D. I think I get the point. Nice to meet you Mulder." He shook Mulder's hand. "Nice to meet you too." Mulder smiled, he liked this brother a lot more, in fact Charlie looked a lot like Dana. "So Dana, you were going to tell me where you went on that holiday of yours." "England" "Ah, you live in England isn't it Mulder?" He asked. "Yes, I moved there last year to teach at Oxford." "Excuse me for asking but isn't England a little far away if you two are dating?" "I'm going to move to England." Scully said. "Oh I didn't know that, when did you decided to move?" "Yesterday, I spent the last 3 weeks in England with Mulder and when I had to leave I realized I couldn't. So I've decided to quit my job and move to England." Charlie smiled at her. "I'm happy for you D., I think you're making the right decision, I haven't seen you as happy as this in months." "Thanks Charlie." "Did you come back together from England?" "No, I made my decision at the moment my plane was about to leave, so Mulder was going to take a flight as soon as possible." Mulder grinned. "And I did, I booked a flight for the same night." "Judging by her reaction she hadn't expected you that soon." They all laughed. Things were changing, but after 6 months of unhappiness, they were happy again. In the weeks after that Scully quit her job, sold her apartment in San Francisco and they even managed to get married within the 4 weeks that they were still in America. Not long after moving to England, they found out that Dana was pregnant. Which was surprising for them, because she was told that she would never be able to have children. Even more surprising had been the birth of the twins. Everybody had been expecting one baby, but after Jessie was born, Sam followed. A little surprise that had been hiding behind her sister for 9 months. And through the years she kept surprising them. Both girls looked exactly like Dana, but where Jessie was as skeptical as her mother, Sam was just like her father. Always thinking that the impossible was possible. Even at such a young age, she was always running into all kind of situations without thinking, always being saved out of these same situations by her parents and sister. When they were 2 years old Melinda was born. Another little wonder that made the family complete And that's where they were now, 6 years later. They were going home to Scully's mother to celebrate Christmas with the whole family, they did that every year, but this year they had a few surprises. After 6 years they had decided to move back to America, back to Washington. "Are we there yet?" Two little voices brought the 3 adults out of their thoughts, back to reality. "Almost" Charlie said, smiling. 10 minutes later he parked the car in front of his mother's house. "Okay we're there." Maggie Scully already came walking out of the house to welcome them. Of course the grandchildren came first, then she greeted her daughter and Fox. "Hi mom." Dana kissed her mother on the cheek. "Hi sweetheart, hello Fox." He hugged her and smiled. "Hi mom" "I'm so glad to see you again, I keep telling you England is too far away!" She was only joking, but they smiled secretly at each other for a moment, then Dana said "I think we can do something about that." "Oh you do, tell me!" "What would you say if we told you we're moving back to Washington within a few months?" "Really?" "Yes" They both nodded enthusiastically. "I'd say you couldn't have given me a better Christmas present than that!" She hugged them again. "Glad you liked the surprise mom." Dana said. "I sure do, so how was your flight?" "Oh it was pretty quiet, except for the part where Sam decided to lock herself in the toilet. Two stewards had to force the door to get her out of there." Everybody laughed, for some reason these things always seemed to happen to Sam. They all went in, where they were greeted by Bill and Tara. The children immediately ran off to play. Since Dana and Fox were married and Bill had seen how happy his sister was, he had changed his attitude towards Mulder drastically. They spent all afternoon and night talking about things that had happened in the time they hadn't seen each other. At 1 a.m. they decided that it was really time to go to bed. Tomorrow they were going to buy the Christmas tree and decorate it together. A good tradition they had every year. The men would go out to get the tree, while the women stayed home to organize things for dinner. Usually they also took the eldest children with them. NEXT MORNING Mulder woke up and noticed that his wife wasn't in the bed anymore. He heard some noises in the bathroom and walked in to see if she was alright. "How are you doing, honey?" She was sitting beside the toilet, looking a little pale. "Oh yeah I'm going to be fine, don't worry. It's only morning sickness remember?" He grinned. He remember the first time she was pregnant and she had been throwing up every morning. He had been worried so he called the doctor to see if this was normal. After which the doctor had informed him laughing that most pregnant woman had to deal with morning sickness during the first months of pregnancy. He picked his wife up from the floor and carried her back to the bedroom. "Fox, I'm pregnant, not disabled." She laughed. "I know, but I want you to stay in bed for another hour, have some sleep. I'll take Jessie and Sam with me when we're going to buy the tree and Melinda can stay with mom. Okay?" "Okay" "You need anything?" "No thanks, I really don't want to think of food right now." He dressed the kids and took them downstairs. Maggie was already up. "Morning, where's Dana?" "Sleeping, she wasn't feeling so well, so I told her to stay in bed for a little while." "Oh I hope she's not getting sick, poor Dana." "Don't worry, I think she'll be fine again in a few hours." "Shall I bring her some breakfast?" "Nah, I don't think she's really hungry." After everybody had breakfast, Charlie, Bill and Fox left to go get the Christmas tree, taking Nicky, Matthew and the twins with them. Traci and Melinda stayed with Maggie and Tara. After they had left, Dana came walking into the kitchen. Dressed, still looking a little pale, but feeling much better. "Morning sweetheart." "Morning mom, Tara." She picked Melinda up from the floor and sat down in a chair. "Are you feeling better?" Tara asked. "Yeah I'm fine, don't worry about it." "Do you want breakfast?" "Ehm no thanks, maybe later." "Coffee maybe?" The thought alone almost made her run back to the bathroom. She shook her head. "But shouldn't you eat something, are you sure you're not getting the flu?" "No mom, I'm not getting the flu. I know exactly what I have, trust me it'll pass." "When?" Her mother asked. "Oh it should be over in a month or 3 I'd say." She grinned Tara understood already, her eyes grew wide. She hugged her sister-in-law enthusiastically. "Oh congratulations Dana!" "Thanks Tara." She looked at her mother who still missed the point. "It's a typical case of morning sickness mom." Now she understood. "You're pregnant???!!!??" "Mmhhmmm" Her mother hugged her to. "Congratulations sweetheart. I didn't know that you and Fox were planning to have another baby." Dana grinned. "Neither did we, we were just as surprised when we found out. But we're very happy with it." "When are you due?" "In about 7 months I think." "Well I'm really happy for you two." "Thanks mom" "When did they say they would be back?" "Oh they should be back any minute now." At that moment the doorbell rang. "I'll get it, they probably forgot to take a key with them." Dana got up from the chair, carrying Melinda with her. She opened the door. "You for..." that's where she stopped, when she saw it weren't her brothers and husband at all. Her jaw dropped when she saw her old boss Assistant Director Skinner standing there with a young woman. He looked pretty surprised to. She found her voice back. "Sir, what are you doing here?" Then she realized that this must be Casey and her father. "You must be Casey." Welcome, I'd love to give you a hand, but I've got my hands kind of full as you can see." She grinned. "Yes I'm Casey, nice to meet you. You two know each other?" She looked from her father to Dana. "We used to work together. I think I told you about Agent Scully a couple of times didn't I?" "Yes, about her and Agent Mulder." Now Casey remembered. Walter Skinner looked at Dana when his daughter mentioned Fox Mulder. But she didn't react to it, she kept smiling. "Why don't you two come in, oh, by the way, this is my daughter Melinda." They followed her to the living room. Maggie and Tara came walking out of the kitchen, followed by Traci. Skinner was very curious. So Dana Scully was married now and she even had a little daughter. He wondered what man had made her forget about Fox Mulder. "Mom, this is Casey and I'm sure you remember her father don't you?" Maggie looked surprised to. "Sure I do, Walter Skinner isn't it?" "Yes, nice to see you again." Then Maggie greeted Casey. "I've heard a lot about you. Charlie will be here any minute, they are picking up the Christmas tree." As if that was a sign the door opened and Charlie came in, followed by two little girls. "Where's the rest, honey?" His mother inquired. "Oh they're getting the tree out of the car. I saw Casey's car so I decided to go in to greet you first." "Hi sweetheart." He gave her a kiss. She introduced him to her father. "Nice meeting you sir." "It's nice meeting you to Charlie." He looked in surprise to the two girls that stormed directly to their mother. "Look what I've got mommy." Sam proudly showed her a bandaged finger. "Oh no, what did you do this time sweety?" "My finger was still in the car when Jessie closed the door." It sounded completely serious, but that did it. Dana had tried to keep a straight face the whole time, but now she started to laugh. Her mother, Tara and Charlie couldn't help laughing to. Charlie grinned at his sister. "Whom does she get it from do you think?" "Not from me." She laughed. "What's so funny mommy?" Sam wanted to know. "Oh that you look so much like your daddy sweety. Now why don't you two say hello to our guests?" "Sir, Casey, these two also belong to me. This is Jessie and the one with the bandaged finger is Sam." Sam looked open-hearted at Casey. "Are you in love with my uncle Charlie?" Casey blushed and smiled. "Yes I am" "Are you getting married?" came the next question. Dana decided that it was time for her daughter to go play, before she was going to ask more of these questions. "Why don't you and Jessie go help Daddy and Uncle Bill with the tree?" They ran away. She looked at Casey who was blushing and at Skinner who was highly amused. "Sorry about that Casey." Her mother was still laughing. "That girl's a promise for the future Dana." "Who is?" A voice echoed from behind them. Fox and Bill came walking in. Fox walked to his wife and gave her a kiss. "Feeling better already?" He wanted to know. She nodded. "Much better." "So who's a promise for the future?" "Your daughter." He smiled. "Which one?" "Sam" Then he noticed the guests. His jaw dropped when he saw Skinner. Skinner was just as surprised by seeing him. He had followed their conversation with increasing amazement. "You two are married?" Both nodded. "I thought you moved to England?" "And so did I 6 months later. We still live there." Dana informed him. "And thank God she did. I went crazy without her." Fox added. "You know each other?" Charlie looked from his sister and her husband to his girlfriend's father. "We worked with each other when we were with the FBI." Fox said. "Why don't we all go to the living room?" Maggie suggested. They all followed her, she stopped Fox for a moment and hugged him, whispering "Congratulations, Daddy" in his ear. Dana smiled when she saw them. That afternoon they decorated the Christmas tree together. Skinner looked at his former agents, they looked so happy together with their children. He had always hoped that something like this would happen, but he had never imagined that it would turn out this good for them. After dinner they sat down in front of the fire place, to open the presents. The children were getting their presents first before it got too late. After they were brought to bed it was time for the adults to open the present. Fox handed Dana a small long box. Curious, she opened it. In the box was a golden bracelet with 6 little charms hanging on it. She turned them around, in 5 figures the names of Fox, Dana and the children were engraved, one empty to be engraved later after the baby would be born. "Oh Fox, it's beautiful." She gave him a kiss. Of course everybody wanted to look at it. Charlie was the first to notice there were 6 instead of 5 charms hanging on the bracelet. "Uhm D. isn't there something you need to tell us?" "Like what?" She knew very well what he was talking about, but pretended she didn't. He pointed at the bracelet. "Maybe an explanation for the fact that there are 4 children's heads on that bracelet, instead of 3?" "You tell me, why do you think it would?" She grinned at her husband. "Is there any chance you might be pregnant?" "Bingo! You've won the first round tonight." Dana said laughing. Everybody looked very surprised for a moment, then everybody was hugging and kissing them to congratulate them. This was indeed a Christmas full of surprises. The End Feedback always welcome at voet@tanja-myrna.demon.nl