TITLE: Matchmaker
AUTHOR: Jewel
FEEDBACK: Received, cherished, and answered at
LittleLadyhawke@aol.com
DISCLAIMER:  Huh?  What?  Oh, someone said they belong to Chris
Carter and 1013 Productions.  I say: Sure.  Fine.  Whatever
CLASSIFICATION: V, MSR, Humor
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS:
ARCHIVAL: Anywhere.  Just ask me first.
SUMMARY: Charlie is back, and he's got mischief on his mind!
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Well, Charlie wanted to come out and lay some
more.  The dog, BJ, is my dog.  He was injured recently, and I
figured I'd try to make him feel better.  I want to thank
Kemystre for her encouragement, and friendship. You are the
bestest (Insert proper adjective here).  I also want to thank
everyone who read and sent me feedback on "Enigma."  Thanks so
much guys!


Matchmaker
X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*

Never thought I would see the day.  I look over at Walter Skinner
then at Mulder, both of whom have huge smiles on their faces. 
Mulder looks over at me, and winks.  I give him the customary
thumbs up.  Now, six months after I had the idea of the century I
am standing here watching Bill 
walk her down the isle.

Since I met Mulder a little bit less than a year ago, we have
become good friends.  His quirky sense of humor and theories of
government conspiracies amuse and scare me.  He comes up with
connections and ideas I would never think of!  Except for this
time!

I watch as Bill gives her away.  The whole time he looks at
Mulder as if he would like nothing better that to rip his head
off.  Mulder just smiles at him.  Tara and I both give Bill icy
stares.  We both told him that if he did anything to mess this up
for her we would kill him.  Well, actually what I really said is
not suitable for mixed company, so we'll just leave it at that. 
He takes his place in line behind me, the scowl never leaving his
face.  The rest of us watch in a happy silence as Father McCue
begins the ceremony. 

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*
Okay, I got the idea when I was watching "Fiddler on the Roof." 
My daughters, Melinda and Deanna, demanded we see it.  Actually,
I can't take all the credit, my daughters came up with the actual
idea, but I formulated the plan.  Now, I'm not much for musicals,
but I have to admit that it was pretty good.  If you haven't seen
it, I would highly recommend it.

Anyway, there is a part in this movie where one of the girls
sings this song called "Matchmaker." Just between you and me, it
sounds a helluva lot better when there isn't an out of tune eight
year and her five year old sister singing along.  As I listened
to the words, it came to me like a bolt of lightning.  Have you
guys noticed that all my revelations happen like that?  One
minute nothing, and then POW!

Why can't I play matchmaker.  I dismissed the idea out of hand. 
I have never really been one to meddle in the love affairs of
others.  Well, there was that one teensy weensy time when I first
met Mulder, but...well, there was also the time I told Tara, that
she could do better than Bill.  I think that's it...hmm...yeah,
that's it.  Other than those two times, I have pretty much left
things to chance.  You know, whatever will be, will be?

After the movie, I helped my girls get ready for bed, and read
them their favorite book, "A House is a House for Me."

"Daddy?" my younger daughter Deanna called for me.

"What is it little darlin'?" I ask.  Yeah, I'm a pushover when it
comes to my girls.  Just like Dad was with Missy and Dana.

"Should everyone have someone to be with so they don't get lonely
no more," she asked in a sleepy voice.

"Any more," I correct her automatically, "and yes, I think that
is part of God's plan." 

"Then shouldn't Grandma and Aunt Dana have someone too?" she said
as she yawned.

"I'm sure there is someone out there for them," I reply as I tuck
the covers snugly around her.

"Maybe they need a little help like in the movie," Melinda piped
in.

"Maybe you two should get some sleep, and let the Almighty take
care of Grandma and Aunt Dana." I smile and kiss them both on
their chubby little faces, "Night my little angels."

"Night daddy," they say in unison.

After I turn on the night-light, I look at them as they sleep the
sleep of the innocent.  Ah, to be that age again.  I realize what
Dad must have felt as looked at us...well, Missy, Dana, and me. 
Bill has a face only a mother could love, even in his sleep.

As I sat on my couch, I realized they were right.  She did need
someone to spend her life with.  She was still young, and she
should be with someone, but whom.  Little did I know that I would
get the answer to my question the next night at Thanksgiving
dinner.

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*
I am brought back to the present when Father McCue asks if anyone
objects to the marriage. They look so happy together.  There is
nothing but raw emotion in their voices as they pledge their
unending love to one another. Say something Bill.  I dare you you
fat fuck.  Come on.  Make my day.    

Someday I hope to find that kind of love.  My daughters were the
only part of my marriage that was worthwhile.  Ever since Dorian
left, I have been raising them on my own.  Doing a pretty good
job too!

As they continue to say their vows, I drift back to that night...

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*
"Charlie!  Get away from there.  You know you aren't allowed in
my kitchen," Mom said as she whacked my hand with a wooden spoon.

"Ouch!  Aw come on Ma.  Just a little taste?"

"No, you'll get a taste with everyone else," she said in that
stern voice that Dana seemed to have adopted as well.

"Who else is coming for dinner?  I thought it was just Dana and
Mulder," I said still rubbing the sore spot on my hand.  

"I invited Dana's boss, Mister Skinner, to join us," she said,
and continued at my raised eyebrow (family trait ya know), "Dana
said he has no family, and I just can't stand to see anyone spend
the holidays alone."

I shrug my shoulders at her explanation.  Mom always did have a
soft spot for strays.  Especially around the holidays.  Well, the
more the merrier.  Any guy who can put up with the combination of
Mulder and my sister has got my undying respect off the bat.

Is it me or is she doing something different with herself?  I get
the feeling I am missing something about Mom.  It's the same
feeling I had a few months ago in Dana's apartment with the
chair.  The feeling that I had seen something significant
changing or taking place but wasn't able to put my finger on it. 
I do now as I did then, shrug it off.

I go to stand at the back door and watch my two girls play with
BJ out in the yard.  I'm glad Dana and I bought BJ for Mom.  She
would deny it, but she gets lonely sometimes.  She insisted she
didn't want the little Chihuahua, but they became fast friends. 
When I first saw him he reminded me of a rat on steroids, but
Dana insisted he was just what Mom needed.  That was some time
ago.  BJ now tips the scale at a whopping five pounds.  When he
barks, I quake with terror!

After making sure the girls wouldn't hound their grandmother, I
sat down on the couch in the living room.  Just as I begin to
drift off to sleep, I hear a key in the lock.  I smile to myself.

"Hi Dana, Mulder, Mr. Skinner," I say before anyone has the
chance.  I'm so polite.

Dana smiled and leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Ill, nasty!!  Now I have sister spit all over my cheek," I made
a show of wiping off the kiss.

Her back was to Mulder and Mister Skinner, so they didn't see
what she did.  She gave me the bird and mouthed the words "Bite
me."

"Charlie, I want you to meet my boss, Walter Skinner," she said
sweetly. 

"Mr. Skinner, nice to meet you.  I've heard so much about you," I
say eyeing Mulder.

The look does not escape Mr. Skinner's attention.

"Pleased to meet you as well," he grasps my hand in a firm
handshake, "Call me Walter."

"Can I call you Wally?" I ask.

"Not if you expect me to answer," he smiles, "Um, where is
Maggie?  I would like to thank her for having me over."

"She's in the kitchen," I say as I turn and head that way.

Now, the one thing I have noticed during this entire exchange is
that there is none of the usual intimacy between Dana and Mulder. 
Like I said before. I am rather observant.  The way I see it, ole
Wally doesn't know about their partnership.  At least not the way
I'm aware of it.  Well, nothing to be done for it.
They will have to figure this one out for themselves.  Did I
mention I'm out of the meddling business?

Dana and Mulder head out back to try and fetch my girls and one
wayward Chihuahua.  I am left alone with Mom and Wally.  As she
and Wally make small talk, I am once again drawn to Mom's
homemade stuffing.  Just as I am about to lift a forkful to my
mouth, it hits me (here we go again folks).  Mom is wearing a
little more makeup than usual, and she's put some highlights in
her hair.

Maybe just maybe I'm not ready to retire from the meddling
business after all.  You see, the way I figure it, Dana and
Mulder would be able to openly express their relationship if Mom
and Wally were to…well, you know.  I can't help but remember the
conversation I had with my girls last night.  Hmm…maybe there is
something to be done for it after all.  I begin to smile.

I smile all through dinner.  I smile while helping my girls get
read for bed.  I smile while reading the ever present "A House is
a House for Me."  I even smile while Mom shows everyone my naked
baby pictures.

Dana later cornered me in the kitchen.

"I know that smile Charles Scully," she said hands on her hips,
"You're up to something, and don't bother to deny it."

"Busted," I laugh and hold up my hands.

"Busted doing what?" Mulder asks as he comes in and stoops to
raid the fridge once more.  Greedy ass.

"I'm not sure yet, but Chuckles here was just about to tell me. 
Weren't you?"  

I'm not sure if you know this, but Dana has a way of making you
feel like a two-year-old who was just caught playing with the
contents of his diaper.  Did I say that?  Geez, I've been a
parent too long!

"Remember when you guys told me that you didn't want Wally to
find out that you were…well…you know," Dana gives me the brow and
Mulder smiles, "Anyway, I think I have come with a solution to
your problem."

Dana threw her hands up and left the kitchen.  Just as well.  She
doesn't know how to meddle effectively anyway.  Now Mulder, is a
very different story.

"Okay, lay it on me Chuckles," he says.

"Well, first we…" I went on to explain my plan.  Mulder agreed to
go along, and to keep Dana, shall we say, occupied.  

Later that week, he introduced me to some very industrious
friends of his.  I love the Lone Gunmen.  I liked 'em so much I
even subscribed to their newsletter.

Between the five of us, we were able to get Mom and Ole Wally on
the same Alaskan cruise.  What's so big about that?  Well, thanks
to those guys, we were able to get them stuck in the same cabin. 
The rest, as they say, is history.  In this case, I hope the rest
is future.

Mom thinks it's a twist of fate, Wally was baffled (happy, but
baffled0, Dana is suspicious, and Mulder and the Gunmen come over
on Thursday nights to play some serious poker!  What about Bill? 
I told him the whole story just to piss him off!

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*
"I now pronounce you man and wife.  You may kiss the bride,"
Father McCue finishes the ceremony.

I watch as Mr. and Mrs. Walter Skinner kiss for the very first
time as husband and wife.

I look over at Dana just in time to see her and Mulder exchange
the same look I had seen on the faces of the bride and groom just
a few minutes ago.  Guess I'll need to hold on to this tuxedo
after all.  

Maybe I won't retire from the meddling business after all.  There
seems to be more work to be done around here.  Where to begin. 
Hmm…